Divorce is often accompanied by many painful feelings, and some California estranged spouses might think one way to make themselves feel better is by seeking revenge. However, this rarely works the way they hope it might. Studies have shown that revenge does not produce a sense of satisfaction. Instead, it means people tend to hang onto whatever upset them longer than people who are able to simply let it go.
Revenge can also have negative repercussions for children. While a parent may feel the children should know what the other parent is like, they need to be able to make their own judgments. Attempts at getting revenge on the other parent through the children may be counterproductive as well since it could turn the children against the revenging parent.
Revenge can be costly. Making the divorce more difficult means both spouses will lose time and money. Furthermore, trying to take revenge in the courtroom can open a person up to retaliation. People may feel that a judge will be outraged by their situation, but judges have heard and seen a great deal in these cases. Moving on may be the best solution for everyone. People can consider setting boundaries instead of looking for revenge. This may be particularly important if they are going to have an ongoing co-parenting relationship.
Working out a child custody plan that suits all parties and maintaining a functional co-parenting relationship may be one of the best reason to abandon thoughts of revenge. Parents may also address any concerns in a parenting plan. They might agree to communicate only using text or email if their relationship is still too volatile for face-to-face or phone conversations.
